Hey guys! Most of ya'll know that I will soon be leaving for India. In fact I fly out May 15th! With finals week and moving it has been busy and stressful, and there is a deep need for me to be prepared spiritually for this trip. To be honest, I'm exhausted. I am in DEEP need of prayers. And I mean, serious prayer warriors. There have been things going on that have really created a realization that I need to be surrounded with prayer. Please pray for my safety (spiritually and physically), for wisdom and discernment, for physical health, and against the attack of the enemy. God is glorious! May that be so evident! Thank you guys in advance for your prayers I will be gone from May 15-June 22...I would appreciate prayers throughout that time.

Love you guys!

Stephanie

 I co-lead a bible study group for jr. high and high school girls. You would think that that's normal; but what most people don't know is that these 13 girls are all refugees, and that the co-leader and I are the only other white people in the group. I love these girls. Most are from different places in Africa, quite a few from Liberia, and a few are Spanish, we also have two girls that practice the Islamic faith. We had our first sleepover on Saturday night, so much fun! One of the girls, Marie, had sprained her ankle earlier in the day. So Marie and I stayed inside while the rest of the girls were running outside. Marie is quite shy, because her English is sparce, but we were able to have a great conversation. I learned how strong she is.

She is 11 years old and grew up in the Congo. I asked her why her family left the Congo, and she said simply because they wanted to kill her mother. She began to explain to me that her father was from Congo, but her mother was not--and the people of Congo, want only natives and have a hatred for foreigners. She began to tell me the different ways the Congo people would kill others. Two of her older brothers had died. One brother died due to a knife being pushed in his stomache, and the other she does not know how he died. Marie also saw her best friend die. She said that as she and her friend were walking down a road a large car drove by with men and guns and they shot at her and her friend. Marie had been missed by the gun shot, but fell down to act like she was dead. The men kicked her and her friend to make sure they were dead and then drove off. When Marie realized they were gone she picked up her friend who had been shot and took her to her family, where she died. Marie is eleven. She was nine when this happened. There were more stories, but too much to write here.

Just last week I saw Hotel Rwanda and Blood Diamond for the first time. This kind of stuff is really happening. And I am typing on my nice laptop in my nice apartment in my safe city, and it just doesn't seem right. I have been battling a lot in my mind of whether I should stay long term in the U.S. or in another country (third world). Because I know myself, I think that living here I would be content and continue to live in ignorance. But would I really be growing, and would I really be helping save lives (eternally and physically)? This is something I need to think about more.

Excerpt from the book I read for training.
Sold by Patricia McCormick

Mathematics

In the village school we were taught to add, subtract, multiply, and divide.

The teacher gave us difficult problems, asking us to figure out how many baskets of rice a family would have to sell to buy a new water buffalo. Or how many lengths of fabric a mother would need to make a vest and pants for her husband and still have enough for a dress for her baby.

Here I do a different set of calculations.

If I bring a half dozen men to my room each night, and each man pays Mumtaz 30 rupees, I am 180 rupees closer each day to going back home. If I work for a hundred days more, I will surely soon have nearly enough to pay back the 20,000 rupees I owe to Mumtaz.

Then Shahanna teaches me city subtraction.

Half of what the men pay goes to Mumtaz, she says. Then you must take away 80 rupees for what Mumtaz charges for your daily rice and dal. Another 100 a week for renting you a bed and pillow. And 500 for the shot the dirty-hands doctor gives us once a month so that we won't become pregnant.

She also warns me: Mumtaz will bury you alive if she sees your little book of figures.

I do the calculations.

And realize I am already buried alive.

Currently Reading Sold By Patricia McCormick see related

As some of you may already know, I recently was accepted to participate in an internship with the ministry  called Project Rescue. I will be in various parts of India this summer and am VERY much excited! I would love for ya'll to know a little bit more of what I'll be doing; if that is something that you are interested in hearing more about please send me your mailing address at reesie_7  at good ol' yahoo. Within the next week I plan on sending out support letters including information of what I'll be doing as well as information about Project Rescue, which I would love to send to you! Another way you can find out more about this ministry is by going to the  website www.projectrescue.com . I hope that this ministry becomes more known to the people in the U.S. it is definately a need not widely known or talked about.

With Love,

Stephanie

The past two days have been weird. I think a lot and rarely ever verbalize them, but I think that writing them down will get them off of my brain.

1. I've gone out on dates with 5 or 6 different guys this year. weird. I've never had soo many people ask me out. I kind of gave myself this rule that I would go out with a guy that asked me out for one or two dates and give them a fair chance before I reached a decision. All that has happened, and I have told all of them that I'm not interested, and I have to tell another one this week. I hate that, most horribly unpleasant thing. Differing reasons for telling each one no....I just hope that I'm saying no for the right reasons (I think I am). This whole guy thing stresses me out. "I know" God will one day bring someone amazing that will truly be a partner, and I will be overwhelmed by the love I receive, but at the same time- I'm enjoying being alone. I want companionship, yes, but don't want to necessarily deal with being in a relationship. I'm enjoying only hanging out with girls and being fully involved in the ministries, and growing in who God created me to be without anything holding me back and no more worries and true growth. I like now knowing who I am, and I don't want to lose my identity or self-worth that I'm slowly gaining. Yes, I know some of my thoughts are backwards---a work in progress. Will I get to the point where I'm ready? Are these thoughts normal? Or do I need to reevaluate and change my thoughts on life and relationships? Or does it just need some more time?

2. I had a weird dream last night. I saw rattlesnakes in my dream dropping from the ceiling and their rattlers were shaking and they were slithering towards me as if they were wanting to attack me. I was half awake and half asleep when the thought occured to me that some kind of spiritual warfare was going on. I wasn't scared. But I felt a weirdness in the way I was breathing. I was able to breathe fine thru my nose, but my  throat almost felt as though my tongue was blocking the airway. I prayed while half awake and half asleep for 30 minutes and just fell back asleep. But in my OT History I class this morning we were going through Exodus and the prof. just happened to explain that rattlesnakes symbolized evil. I'm hoping it was just a dream caused by the fact that earlier that day in my biblical counseling class we had talked about demonization and throughout the day I was thinking thru generational curses in my family and what I could do to stop them. But  maybe there was something very symbolic and warfare-like last night. What do I need to do?

I've only had like four hrs. of sleep total in two days I think rest will make me less emotional and burdened. Tomorrow when I'm more sane I'll probably even delete a few things that I posted in realization that I got too personal and vulnerable. But for a moment I needed to release it from my mind.

Lord, keep me safe tonight. Reveal to me the interpretations of dreams if they have meaning. Guard me Lord. May my mind be solely focused on you and heavenly things. Give me the power and the courage to stand up against the enemy. May he be fearful of You living in me. May my prayers be powerful. Holy Spirit intercede on my behalf, when I know of nothing else to pray. May my love for you not be merely verbal, but a living action.